A raw and honest account of how the ReWilding community has provided support on one women’s journey toward feminine awakening. (Shared by Crista Parker in the ReWilding for Women Facebook group* on December 3rd, 2019.)
“So why…do women keep trying to bend and fold themselves into shapes that are not their own?” (Estés, 200)
“…most of the time it is not because of deep-seated masochism or a malignant dedication to self-destruction or anything of that nature. More often it is because the woman simply doesn’t know any better. She is unmothered.” (Estés, 200-201)
“The duckling is led to within an inch of his life. He has felt lonely, cold, frozen, harassed, chased, shot at, given up on, unnourished, out there way out of bounds, at the edge of life and death and not knowing what will come next.” (Estés, 203)
I’ve finally gotten around to reading “Women Who Run With the Wolves” after seeing so many recommendations in this group and while some themes hit me harder than others, this entire book is a giant kick in my gut.
When I found this group I was a new mother. I was a young, unmothered mother. Frail, afraid, hiding.
I was a woman tucked away on a shelf waiting until someone deemed me useful. In many ways, I am still this woman. In many ways, I am no longer this woman.
These last two years, after a lifetime of merely trying to survive, but not fitting in or feeling quite right, and striving always to be a “good girl” to stay safe, I truly entered exile in all senses of the word. After a lifetime of being beaten down and spit out, this last year has truly been a trial of the soul for me.
I share this because this is a safe place of women who might understand the message between my vague words, women who might look at my picture and feel kinship to the emotion there without judgment.
Because I want to say thank you for how this circle of women helped me see that I might just be an orphaned swan who already had the tools inside myself if I can just figure out where to look.
This year has really put me through the wringer emotionally, mentally, psychically. I’ve come up against, time and time again, the almost unbearable ugly truths about myself after a lifetime of seemingly unbearable truths. Some I had convinced myself weren’t there and some I found that I didn’t know about.
But I’m looking to the new year and the new decade with a determination and a strength and a clarity that I have never felt before.
I’m still very much in the dark on this path, but next to myself, my creator, my ancestors, and my fellow women, I am no longer alone. I am grateful. I am ready to find out what’s next.
Artwork and article by Crista Parker of the ReWilding for Women Community
Quotes from “Women Who Run With the Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
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*The ReWilding for Women Facebook group where this was originally posted has been dissolved as the organization continues to evolve and adapt to best serve the moment.